


will you stay with me when all hope is lost?

by wholesome_muffin



Series: when all hope is lost [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff, Gen, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Self-Harm, hurt-comfort, i can't tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29957502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholesome_muffin/pseuds/wholesome_muffin
Summary: Illumina explains a little about his past, and the duo have a moment to themselves.// TW in tags, and here too! tw self-harm, referenced abuse, panic attacks and homophobia. do not read if you are triggered by these topics!
Relationships: Fruitberries & Kye Riddell
Series: when all hope is lost [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2200119
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	will you stay with me when all hope is lost?

**Author's Note:**

> // TW in tags, and here too! tw self-harm, referenced abuse, panic attacks and homophobia. please do not read if this triggers you.

**// tw: implied abuse, homophobia, panic attack, self-harm! please do not read if you are triggered by these topics.**

**not proofread because i can’t read my own fluff without cringing**

“Illumina, if you don’t mind me asking, why did you run away?”

A beat passed between them. Tense silence, a quiet blanket falling over them.

“No, I don’t mind- ugh, it’s a long story.” Illumina sighed, uncried tears built up over years of sorrow almost making their way to his eyes before he blinked several times; pushing them away. Despite his efforts, a single tear traced a small path down his cheek before he hurriedly wiped it away.

“I- it wasn’t always like this. It only started when I- I really don’t like talking about this.” Illumina was clearly uncomfortable, and Fruit didn’t pressure him, but Illumina continued nonetheless. He believed Fruit needed to know.

“You see, I’m bi- and my parents didn’t like me… Oh god, you won’t like me either will you? I just ruined our friendship, didn’t I? I’m so- so, so stupid…” A sob escaped his lips.

“I-it’s okay! I won’t judge you…” Fruit tried desperately to calm Illumina down. It very clearly wasn’t working, but he placed a hand on the latter’s shoulder. He could feel the other shaking and the hurried rush of his heartbeat, the way his breathing came out in stuttering gasps and inhales and exhales.

“So- so they didn’t really like me because I was bi- and it worried me so, so much, because they- they treated me like I was dirt and I really thought I wasn’t worth anything. And until I met you I really thought that I wasn’t worth anything. Sometimes I still do.” He gasped a little for air, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say next. “And I- I started to cut… I did it for a while, until my family found out and they shunned me even more. At that point there was nothing more I could do to make them even remotely accept me. I stayed there for a few more months before I ran away and met you.”

Fruitberries was taken aback, a little stunned, and he didn’t want to interrupt Illumina’s moment. The smaller was shaking quietly and Fruit didn’t know how to react, so he kept his hand on Illumina’s back and tried to comfort him. Eventually his stuttering gasps had evened out and the shaking was reduced to a barely-noticeable trembling.

“I still have the scars… and that’s why I cover my wrists with these.”

Slowly Illumina unwrapped the seemingly-calculated bandages on his forearms. A row of white lines lay on his wrists; the skin on his forearms was nearly more scar tissue than actual skin. Fruit trembled at the sight of them; he’d never expected so many to be there. It pained Fruit to see Illumina in this state- an anxious mess who needed to be held. Illumina was very much touch starved as well, and the soft sensation of Fruit’s hand on his back was enough to send a little shiver down his spine. Illumina wasn’t used to this.

Illumina traced a finger over one of the numerous scars lining his wrists, bringing Fruit’s palm to do the same. “This scar is from all the times that I wanted to die but I never could bring myself to do so.” His hands found another scar, and Fruit mirrored his actions, bringing a tentative finger to Illumina’s wrist and circling the little patch of skin nervously. “This? This one is for all the times that I thought that I couldn’t get through it and yet I did.” Illumina seemed much calmer with the contact, and they stayed there for a while in silence.

They went on in that manner, Fruit tracing each scar on Illumina’s wrists and the latter explaining what each meant.

The soft heat of the fireplace in front of them kept them curled up on the sofa, enjoying each others’ warmth. Each lantern in each corner of the room seemed to radiate more heat and light, and to be honest Illumina didn’t want to be anywhere else.

This mixed bag of emotion had just been stirred even more- each individual feeling had been thrown around, blended and smashed to a pulp over the span of a few hours while he spilled his secrets to Fruit. Maybe he was falling for Fruit- in a purely platonic way, or maybe as something more romantic. It didn’t matter; these feelings weren’t completely new, but he wasn’t familiar with them anyhow.

Even though he had felt this before, falling in love was like a whole new journey every time it happened. Well, that was partly because it objectively  _ was _ . It was always another journey that would never end until they died, one day or another.

***

Fruit found himself curled up on the sofa, in front of the fireplace with Illumina. And though it may have been embarrassing at any other time, he knew that Illumina needed the comfort.

It was a cold night anyways. Being on the couch with Illumina at least made him feel wanted, and safe, and warm on that rather chilly night. And as the snow fell gently onto the frosted-over ground, Fruit couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

Did he feel anything towards Illumina…? It was a question yet to be answered. But he knew that if anything happened towards Illumina he would die to save the other. He held such an important place in Fruit’s heart.

Because he cared. He cared so, so much for him. Fruit was even half scared that he cared so much that it would come off as obsessive. But the universe had put them together for a reason; Fruit had went out to explore on that very fateful night when Illumina had camped out in the forest. It couldn’t have been a coincidence, right?

Because Fruit knew that Illumina reciprocated this care. At least, he dearly hoped so. But for now, he could only hope. 

***

“Illumina?”

“...Yeah?”

“Will you stay with me even if all hope is lost?”

“...Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> there you have the second fruitlumina oneshot! please comment/leave a kudos, it makes my day <3


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